509 The Way I Feel

About a friend no longer beside me, in continuation to a letter I wrote her in 2018.

I'm happy you demystified things for me when I wrote back in 2018,
And was happy you wanted to be friends again. I oft get carried away.
Then in May 2020 life felt perfect again when I declared that:
Some friends make life something to look forward to, don't ever go again.

Then goofed it soon after by showing you the overly romantic stuff,
Without explaining that that wasn't the way I had ever seen you,
Just carried away by a muse you sparked when we first met,
And showing off how carefully I had kept and published them all.

I don't know about the future but have separated the stuff I want you to see
And I read them all today. Oh, friend you've meant the world to me.
I am in tears at the thought that we've not forever left to spend.
Do forgive me dearest... Then my heart will be on the mend.

I really was broken and beat when you rained on me your love,
I fully credit you with the start of my writing career, how hard I strove,
To live up to the promise you saw in me, another kindred spirit
Who would write with glee, expressing love upto the heaven's summit.

What now I do not know except to plod on, have sense,
For though they say "you can't make old friends",
Very often we mess things up in a relationship...
This time I hope not permanently for I would give all I know to have back our friendship <3.

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[Sequel to the unpublished blank verse poem from April 2018]

The memory of you still haunts my waking and dreaming moments.
Now made more poignant at the thought of having you with me again.
A friendship we had, sublime and timeless - that feeling still grips me.
Now where is that timelessness? Gone in a moment, leaving me in a vacuum!

What I did wrong, I wonder if I shall ever know. Tell me my dear.
Or shall I just walk along the shores of time, nagged by doubt and confusion.
Did I offend when I tried to hold your hand? Or were my words much and too often?
Were you in love with someone else? Or is that someone why you dont speak now?

Was my approach too slow? Did you wonder why I didnt declare my love for you?
It was fear of losing you, oh that wonderful light in my night. Do shine again for me.
Shine bright as you did, not too long ago. Come back and melt me again with a smile.
Memory is a poor substitute to have for the love I once knew. The one that made life replete.

In friendship we began, and I the pacifist, would dearly kill to have that again.
Kill away my stupid self and rise up and become the person I've always wanted to be.
In touch with my inner feelings, and sensitive to those around me.
Always acting from a point of caring, love and right.

Woe unto me for the darkness that tainted my soul these 2 years without you.
Just say hello to me and we canst begin our friendship anew.
What it can blossom into I dare not think, but wonder sometimes.
The choice is yours but I hope we can make each other whole again.