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Regaining Faith 27TH JUNE 2018
In the old world, husbands and wives clung to each other. They knew how tough it was to build a marriage, so would do almost anything to keep it together. So if you are mutually unhappy, maybe it's not your marriage that's broken but your relationship with your own selves.
And reflecting that base irreconcilability within you is a less than passable relationship with everyone else.
If everything were fine, we wouldn't let disconnect and doubt sow her seeds. Mostly self doubt.
The problems of marriage are seemingly many but at the kernel of them is a lack of communication. We need to go to the roots of the problem. That is not always easy and some would say not worth the effort.
While some would say when kids are involved it's better to have a clean break than let the kid grow up watching an unsuccessful marriage take it's toll on both parents, this writer begs to differ. Define a perfect marriage or show me one where there isn't give and take.
In cases where there is a monster possessing one party and the other is too weak, frail or timid to drive it away I would say ok part ways.
And to those that didn't look deep enough before leaping I may say did you "try and get the feeling again"? Forget the past and all it didn't bring.
All it needs is two pliable souls… then ask yourself how pliable you are and who is willing to go further to get back together again. And by together I mean the "happily ever after" kind not "we barely talk but atleast live in the same house"…
So, she cheated on you… twice… just when you were recovering from that bout of depression. Or he couldn't care tuppence when you lost your 12 year old cat - Tom. Or she beat you on the head because she was having a meltdown and no one including her realized she needed serious help.
Was it love or was it the idea of being in love? What got us started on this road? How well did we know ourselves, our feelings and our desires? Do we as yet?
Just as in life, in relationships we must embrace change. Build love on a base of constancy but be ready to adapt. Fail to and one day you will wonder what just hit you. We grow older and more bone weary - some couples are fortunate to find new love as life wears on, but everyone has too work at it.
So keep working on who you are, reflect on what drives you and on what makes you tick. Then think of family or an uncle who is no more and somewhere in the midst of it all perhaps you will regain you faith and decide to stay on and fix things. Whatever your choice I hope it's one you can live with and that it's founded in love